2006 Browncoat Ball
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2004 Browncoat Ball

2004 Browncoat Ball - Chicago

The original Browncoat Ball was hosted by the Chicagoland Browncoats in 2004. The weekend-long event brought in over a hundred browncoats from all over the United States, and was such a hit that it has now become an annual event, hosted in a different city each year.

Friday Night: Tea Party

The Friday evening meet-and-greet dinner was held in an open-air patio at the top of the hotel in downtown Chicago. It was themed as a Companion Tea Party, and served as a casual introduction to a weekend long party.

Saturday Morning - Train Job

Saturday morning we rented out an L-trian car for a private "train job" tour of Chicago. The train was decorated with custom made wanted posters and old-west style trimmings.

Saturday Night - Browncoat Ball

Saturday night was the main event: the Browncoat Ball. Dinner was served while the attendees were entertained by The Great Lukeski. Then the DJ spun a fun dance mix for the rest of the evening, with a brief interruption as the San Francisco Browncoats taught everyone a little bit of waltzing and a simple group bonfire dance.

Room parties continued on through the night, with some attendees wandering off into the city in search of additional entertainment. The amount of gossip generated that night was mind-boggling, but you can scroll down to see a brief highlight of it.

2004 Browncoat Ball - Awards

  • Banning Miller Award - Tzegha (Julieanne Frascinella)
    The Lady who can be coaxed out of her outfit the quickest.

  • Atherton Wing Award - 762ghost (Jason Moss)
    Most likely to get in a duel by the end of the evening.

  • Patience Award - Fly (Susie Stoner)
    Most likely to shoot someone by the end of the evening.

  • Most Kaylee-fied Dress - Avien (Jennifer Kopaska)

  • Captain Tightpants - Selfinflictd (Jon Engle) - NAME
    The gentleman with the tightest pants.

  • Mr. Persephone - Resident Cuddle Slut (Ray Hill)

  • Ms. Persephone - Ammy Hill

  • Best Big Damn Room Party - The Bordello, hosted by AmyL33, Cyby, Fly and Tzegha

  • Origami Contest - redfox (Karen Post)

  • Photo Scavenger Hunt - cyby, Selfinflictd and Soonerdax (Nicole Sanz, Jon Engle and Amy Wilson)

A Random Smattering of Browncoat Ball-Related Gossip *

  • Captain Tightpants breaks the dance floor not once, but twice, while energetically New Wave dancing! He apparently does have the legs of a dancer.

  • "So there is kissing?" There certainly was! In the stairwell, by the ballroom pillar...

  • An honorary Fillie makes sure she has the best-pressed clothes at the Ball by waking up (or was she really awake?) at 3 a.m. to get a start on her ironing.

  • Tightpants are all the rage in the Windy City! Browncoat starts new fashion craze while unintentionally flashing patrons in bathroom line at trendy Chicago nightspot, Wet.

  • Herbal Essence named official sponsor of the Bordello. An extended reenactment of the shampoo company's popular commercials takes place in crowded room 1706 in the wee hours of Sunday morning.

  • Lone Chicago Fillie finds own kind, receives official Fillionaire T-shirt.

  • At approximately 4:30 a.m. Sunday, a new Disney employee crashes on Blue Sun Room floor and steals a dueler's pillow. She is surprised to wake up a few hours later surrounded by people eating muffins and popping balloons.

  • Hotel security, in fourth visit to room, shuts down Bordello at 4 a.m., shot at by cap gun-wielding hussy.

  • Captain Tightpants learns the hard way just what "I like smackin' 'em" means.

  • Atherton Wing finds that his trophy makes a great shot glass. But does he remember?

  • Chicago citizens are shocked by shouts of "Get me off! Get me off!" on streets of upscale Streeterville neighborhood.

* Honestly, we could have devoted a whole page to the antics of the Yo-Saf-Bridge look-a-like from Long Island, but we decided to share the love!

An Heroic Epic - by Kalshane the Tall

And Lo, they did come upon the lethargic and slow-witted beast known as The Sandwich Vendor.

"Give us our lunches," they cried, "and place them into the boxes of portability, that we may carry them forth and deliver them onto the Browncoat masses who wait for us in their hunger."

The Sandwich Vendor shuffled and shrugged, but no lunches did he produce, nor any boxes in which to place them.

"Give us lunches," they called again, "for the Browncoats do be hungry, and their ascent into the great metal snake of tourism is near at hand and then no lunch shall be able to reach them."

The Sandwich Vendor shuffled and shrugged again but did nothing more.

So Michael, Surfer of the Great Wagon, descended upon the Sandwich Vendor in anger "The clock doth touch 20 beyond the hour upon we were receive our lunches within the boxes of portability, that we might deliver them unto the Browncoats in their hunger. Yet lunches we do not have."

The Sandwich Vendor shuffled and shrugged before producing a discount, and lo the heroes were checked in their wrath.

The sands of time continued to slip past as the great metal snake of tourism neared the Browncoats gathered upon the platform, waiting in their hunger.

Again, the heroes demanded the attention of the Sandwich Vendor, that they might receive the lunches and the boxes and deliver them forth unto the Browncoats.

At last, the Sandwich Vendor produced the lunches and the boxes, but it was forty-five beyond the hour of ten and the time of the great metal snake of tourism was nigh. Lunda of the Shiny Hat located two drivers of the legendary chariots-for-hire, convincing them to disobey the laws of traffic that the lunches and the boxes and the wagon could be placed within the chariots-for-hire and thus conveyed to where the Browncoats waited in their hunger.

The hourly had nearly struck and our heroes feared they would not arrive in time as the chariots-for-hire reached the station of the great metal snake of tourism where the Browncoats waited in their hunger. Undaunted, they leapt free of the chariots-for-hire and piled the boxes, and thus the lunches within, upon the concrete of walking, that the chariots-for-hire may go upon their way.

Gathering up what boxes they could, Lunda of the Shiny Hat, Michael the Surfer of the Great Wagon, Kalshane the Tall and Meng of the Meng rushed forth into the station of the EL, descended into the depths beneath the city of the wind.

There they met the Queen of the Pirates, who bade them come forward, for she possessed the magical key which would allow them entrance to the platform of the great metal snake of tourism, upon which the Browncoats waited in their hunger. So forward they rushed, Lunda of the Shiny Hat and Meng of the Meng, forward with their boxes and through the turnstile of annoyance, their passage opened by the Pirate Queen and her magical key.

But then the turnstile of annoyance suddenly stuck despite the key, preventing Michael, Surfer of the Great Wagon, from bringing his great wagon through, for the pile of boxes upon was tall and mighty and the turnstile of annoyance refused its passage.

Michael, Surfer of the Great Wagon bravely fought, but could not break his wagon free while the Pirate Queen tried to appease the turnstile of annoyance with her magical key, but to no effect.

Kalshane the Tall placed his own box upon the ground, then pulled the piled boxes from the great wagon, leaving only those which could slip under the turnstile of annoyance unimpeded. The great wagon was free.

As the great wagon passed to the far side of the turnstile of annoyance, Kalshane the Tall handed the boxes of the pile to Michael, Surfer of the Great Wagon, over the turnstile of annoyance, above its foul reach. Michael, Surfer of the Great Wagon replaced them upon the great wagon and rushed forth to the platform of the great metal snake of tourism, where the Browncoats waited in their hunger.

Then Kalshane the Tall took his own box back from where he had placed it upon the ground and advanced upon the turnstile of annoyance. The Pirate Queen brandished her magical key and the turnstile of annoyance gave way.

At last the four companions had arrived at the platform of the great metal snake of tourism, where the Browncoats waited in their hunger, carrying their boxes, which contained the lunches, just as the clock struck the hour of eleven. And so they did open the boxes and offer up their contents to the Browncoats with cries of "Turkey Swiss" and "Chicken Pesto" that the Browncoats may the receive the sandwiches they had ordered, in so doing, eat it and appease their hunger.

The End



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